Review: Nadine Hitchiner
On Practising Ascending by Nadine Hitchiner
by Tyler Truman Julian
Nadine Hitchiner’s Practising Ascending elevates the mundane moments of interpersonal relationships to profound heights by repeatedly urging the reader to “imagine this moment not as it was, but as it could have been” (“On Poetry: Would We Call it Danger, or Odyssey?”). Each poem in this debut collection creates its own reality, clarifying a memory or a relationship and presenting them either as they truly were or as idealized fantasies. The reader is challenged with navigating which is which and, far from becoming tiresome, this challenge invigorates. The collection accompanies its reader through the emotional core of a marriage beyond its honeymoon phase, as it grapples with grief, desire, and the intricate delicacies of extended families.
The poems of Practising Ascending are structurally complex and defy easy categorization. One poem might use couplets and the next prose to explore similar themes.Early in the collection Hitchiner’s speaker sets a pensive tone, undercut by humor, to explore the impact of her words on the page:
last year, the year I most echoed its endurance, I shovelled twelve steps into the house—there was a blizzard; each flake, definite as time; had lung and blood. I drove through the streets anxious, bitter. Hoping morphed into steering. I’ve been writing all these poems; glum, but trying to be good, making snow angels in the paper—isn’t that ‘technique’? “Be good in the poem, be good.” Isn’t this some kind of dying, too?—The body, only a wound with potential? Is it really true? Does a victim make a victim? What if every season rises and falls and what remains is the year?
(“On Poetry: Would We Call it Danger, or Odyssey?”)
The imagery in this poem works on several levels, but most importantly, the speaker’s aspirations toward goodness work dually, signaling both virtue and poetic skill or technique. Later in this same poem, this dual nature of goodness returns:
Me, being what shape the air whittles of me, I fill myself with the chips of my spirit—
follower
I’ve always been—the same-
do’er. I’d set the table neatly with its contents
I’d like to live
to the letter.
This implicit fear of failure or inadequacy within the family is further built as the collection progresses, as is the idea that things are not always what they seem. Hitchiner’s speaker is malleable, can be whittled, but at what cost and by whom? In a particularly poignant poem about adjusting to marriage and a long-term relationship, the speaker confides:
I’ve run from this kind of longing
like throttle from gas—
this small love
vow, this disgusting little glory.
But the dust has settled
on my curls, their wordless-long
journey through his hands—
we’ve touched all there is to touch. (“Ode to the Spit Sip”)
The structure of both marriage and the poem captures the desire explored in “Ode to the Spit Sip,” but while this desire is contained, it remains complicated and present. The speaker is fearful of ennui and complacency: “19 I long for love while I love. / 20 Here we are: / 21 grown heavy with redundancy” (“Piano Quai”). In this way, the speaker repeatedly reminds the reader that even in committed relationships, the past impacts the present. In “To Touch a Rose like an Abacus,” the speaker explores her husband’s relationship to women and how that changes their interactions:
His mother, in the living room, but never there,
when I am—I’m only imagining things:
her laughter, her scoliosis.
If no one saw us,
were my hands ever true?
Were his eyes ever jewels, did he ever wear them?
Or, that beaded blouse—did he ever dance
on his mother’s tears, the way dust
dances on water, and cannot undo?
…
he paints a woman
as steam, he paints
her as a rose—doesn’t count, does it.
I mean, sometimes, that’s only a mirror.
When he stops, he says, quit
your cryin’ boy, that’s not a man’s shirt—lose the silk.
Lays his head
on the door of the bathroom stalls, whistles,
when I long for him, it is always fiction.
It is both the presence and absence of interaction that shapes the relationships in the collection; the confusion within the poem about who has said what to whom and when remains an important part of a larger equation of loss and memory. The images painted in the poem are “only a mirror” of the husband’s relationships with his parents. Whether they are true or not, they ultimately shape both his own identity and their relationship, influencing who he has become in their marriage. By writing and sharing these, she is able to clarify, attempt to understand, and—with the reader—bear witness.
In Practising Ascending, Hitchiner has crafted a powerful and complex debut that lays bare the relationships of home. Across the poems, the reader joins Hitchiner’s speaker in her pursuit of truth, becoming participant and witness to the minutia of daily life that shape the individual, seeing themselves in the grief, desire, challenge, and beauty of relationship. Reading Practising Ascending is an act of accompaniment and self-discovery, one wherein the reader will be forced to embrace “everyone we have been, everyone // we gave to a future. Everyone we are / because of how our mothers have loved us” (“Sixteen Songs for the Catbird”).
In case you missed it—here is Hitchiner’s poem from The Shore:
When this February shall find me