Conan Tan

Open Air

By the light’s lazy stream, I was panting,
springing across that rainbow bridge
& peeking into pond. I was five
again & the world’s best boot-stomper
hopping in all the muddy puddles. & there were
castles in the clouds, lives floating
above mine. The day soft as tissue
even the marigolds were out singing. The fields
were peaceful, the fields were gorgeous & right

after I boarded the bus to school,
sat next to a man friendly as the sun.
He was making small talk, asked about
my studies, home, all the dreams I had.
Said I was twelve & getting older
& that the most beautiful thing I could be

was quiet. & I quieted my chest, recalled
the family of ducks settling into water
lilies, recalled the heat of his hand
across the bridge of my lap, peeking into
pant. & I was there in that field, I was five again
hopping into another world with fairies,
flowers, so much open air, so much
space for me to run.

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Conan Tan (he/they) is a queer Singaporean Chinese writer. Their poems have been published or are forthcoming in Rattle, Beaver, HAD, SUSPECT, Quarterly Literary Review Singapore and elsewhere. The winner of Singapore's 2022 National Poetry Competition, he is matriculating at Oxford University this fall. During their free time, they enjoy reading, collecting vinyl and capturing fleeting moments in snapshots. Find them on Instagram and Twitter @tmyconan